Making a Difference

When I wrote the post Take Control (1): Be a Captain I got an e-mail from a friend in the Netherlands who told me a good story. It made me glad to see what great influence one person can have upon another, especially when communication between them is based on love and truth. And also, that each person can change his or her life for the better, if they really want to (as stated in the end).

Here is a part of Angélique van Tintelen e-mail:

“Your post made me think of someone I dealt with in my previous job. You know I worked for the district attorney’s office in Amsterdam for a few years, and while there had a “regular customer”, a 15 year old boy. Finally, after yet another arrest (for his 3rd armed robbery, no less), I asked him why he was back in my office with such regular intervals. He immediately started blaming all kinds of people, his parents for not giving him enough pocket allowance, his teachers for not giving him enough attention, people in general who didn’t like him or so he thought, and me, I was mean to him, and on and on he went.

“What was interesting is that this boy had an older brother and sister who excelled at almost everything they did. Brother in medical school, sister in law school, both honour students. So, my next question was why his brother and sister seemed to be leading a great life, with the same parents, same school, same teachers, same people, etc. I tried to tell him that I did not think he was getting a raw deal. He led the life he led because of decisions HE made. So I gave him a choice. He could either continue on the path he was on, which definitely would lead to more jail time, or I could try to put him in touch with a counsellor, he would go back to school and stay on the straight and narrow from now on. If he managed to keep out of trouble, his record would be deleted on his 18th birthday.

“It took a while, but after a few months (and a few more arrests, sigh), he finally decided to accept my offer. He finished high school in the top 10 of his class and now attends classes at the university here. What impresses me the most is the complete change he underwent. From a sulky teenager simply oozing hostility, he is friendly, clean cut, and simply happy (my mom actually thought he was a missionary when we ran into him at the mall :-0 ). He is, of course and unfortunately, an exception. But still, he is living proof to me of the fact that you are in control of your own life.

“You can make a difference, but you have to WANT it.”

So there we have it, one of life’s simply truths: You can make a difference in your own life - and in someone else’s - if you really want to.

Brother Louis

Take Control (3): Be a Friend

Continuation of Take Control (1): Be a Captain and Take Control (2): Be Good

Today I just want to summarize my thoughts with two connecting ideas. When followed, I think they will be a huge factor of our progress, helping us get real control in life.

Surround yourself with people that lift you up
You need friends in life, friends who can support your dreams, friends who will love you and stick by you, despite your faults. We have to choose these friends carefully. Sometimes we just hang out with the wrong crowd, with people who pull us down rather than inspire us. Sure, there may persons who are “fun” to be around, but two questions are important to ask ourselves: Do they share my values in life? And I am a better person because of them? If the answer is no - move on!

On the road of life we need friends we can depend on.

Be the one who lifts others
But on the road of life we also need to be the kind of person that others can depend on. What we give others can’t be any different than what we expect from them (the golden rule, you know). In other words, if I want good friends, I have to be a good friend.

Am I a person that others can lean on?

Unlike what society and media are telling us, giving is better than receiving. We need to get away from our self-centered way of thinking that I, me, and myself always come first. We are fooled to think that this is the best way to happiness. It’s actually the opposite; true happiness is gained by giving of ourselves to others.

Be happy (and stay in control) - be a good friend!

Your friend,
Louis

Note: The pictures are taken from the CES study convention mentioned in part 1

Take Control (2): Be Good

Continuation of Take Control (1): Be a Captain

So in which end do we start if we want to take control of our lives? How about with the following truth: We reap what we sow. I believe most people, deep down inside, want a life filled with goodness. Doing good, then, has to be our first task. Because when we strive to do good, good will be our reward. No matter what faith or conviction we might have in life, this is universally true: The first step in gaining control of our lives is deciding to do the right thing. Period.

What is the right thing then? What is “good”? Well, we could spend hours debating that, I suppose, but here’s a thought. I believe it’s all about making decisions that lead to lasting joy and happiness, not to temporary and fleeting thrills. Take the example, in my previous post, with our radio DJ, the one who vowed not to drink or smoke. Some people may say to her: “Oh, I feel sorry for you, that you can’t do whatever you want!” They might think her freedom is limited. On the contrary, I would say her freedom is complete; she can choose to do whatever she wants; she has the power to choose both good and bad. But a person with any kind of addiction is never free to choose. He gave up that right the very moment became addicted. He can only choose the bad. Why? Because it’s controlling him, leaving him with no choice. If this is the state of our being, no real freedom can be experienced; hence, no real control. We become like birds who loose their ability to fly.

Take care of your wings. They are your ticket to freedom.

Now, this is not only about alcohol and tobacco, of course. It was just an example to illustrate a principle:

It is better to be in control than being controlled.

I guess I’m trying to say that doing “good” has to do with taking care of yourself and being kind to yourself. If you have a bad habit that ties you down and makes you unhappy, get rid of it! The surest way in gaining self esteem is the practice of self control. Say no to things you don’t want to do! Listen to your heart instead of group or media pressure. Remember, you are in charge! Knowing that, doesn’t it make you feel good? If something is stopping you from living all your dreams and living up to your full potential, get rid of those obstacles and stick to the program that you want - that which you have chosen.

The spider can build his own web. Can we?

To be continued…

Take Control (1): Be a Captain

These are some thoughts I wrote down in September, but have not posted here until today:

I never thought I’d say it: RIX FM (a commercial hit radio station) has given me inspiration! I was listening to the radio the other week, and I heard one of the DJ’s say that she neither smoked nor drank because this gave her the greatest sense of control. Then she challenged her listeners: “I want to tell everyone out there: Take control of your life!“

Wow. How simple, yet profound. I liked it so much that I decided to include it in my teaching, and I actually got the chance last weekend when I used it as a theme for a study convention for some young adults in the Church. Time won’t allow for a detailed report, but one of the most decisive questions that stuck in my mind during our classes was the following:

Do I let surrounding forces govern my actions?

In other words, am I the captain of my life? Or is something else - or someone else - controlling me? When I sit down in the boat, do I take command of the oars, or am I left a victim of water currents that leave me drifting every which way?

Who commands the oars?

Life is not always peace and joy. In fact, sometimes we feel like we’ve been conquered by unseen enemies, who leave our body and soul broken down on the battle fields of life. In that moment we often shout: “It’s not fair! Why me?”

I certainly don’t have all the answers, but this I know: For whatever reason you feel down, there is always a way out. Why? Because you’re not a victim! You are the creator of your destiny, not an accident of chance. Sure, rain will sometimes pour all over you, but with a right balance of faith and hard work you can pull yourself through any situation - if you really want it! That’s why rain coats are made.

Take Control (2): Be Good